On Coming in Second

Dear Chemistry Colleagues,

Julian Lennon once said, “All disappointment is rooted in expectation.” I understand the logic of this statement, but I’ve never been able to embrace it. I have my expectations, and I accept my disappointment and suffering. If you live long enough, you’re bound to get disappointed. Your grant isn’t funded, your paper is rejected, you didn’t get the award you were nominated for, or your experiment didn’t turn out the way you hoped for. But how we react to that disappointment and the actions we take is what matters.



Not long ago, I was nominated for an award in my field, and I found out that I came in second. Was I disappointed? I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. Did that mean I expected to win? Perhaps a little bit, but having some confidence in oneself isn’t such a bad thing. When I found out that my colleague had won, I called him up and congratulated him. And I meant it. He’s a great scientist, and awards don’t define us.



I played a lot of golf when I was younger, and it is still my favorite sport to watch. There is one thing I’ve always admired about golfers: When they come in second, they seem genuinely happy for the winner. The great Jack Nicklaus, who won eighteen majors, also came in second nineteen times! I remember when Jack was runner-up to Tom Watson in the 1977 British Open, and he congratulated him, putting his arm around him. Jack also advocated for having a short memory—great advice that took me years to learn. Being disappointed when we come in second isn’t a sign of weakness. Perhaps it is a sign of greatness, or, at least, a desire to be great. Perhaps it reflects a feeling that each of us is at least capable of greatness.

One thing I have learned over the years is to take great pride and joy in the accomplishments of others—of my children, my friends, my group members, our colleagues, our staff, and our students. I’ve reached a place where I am as happy for their accomplishments as I am for any of my own. I don’t know how to abandon expectations. But I have a weapon against disappointment: having a short memory when things don’t work out and celebrating the accomplishments of others.  



Best Regards,

Phil